4 Dumb things not to do on the first date
Dumb First Date Move #1 – Expect her to pay The biggest rule with money and dating is to never let money cause awkwardness. Don’t look at money as a tool in your arsenal. Think of it as a bomb you don’t want to go off.For example, most women will expect you to pay for at least most of the first date. In an age of equal-pay laws, you can be political about this,but what’s the point? Plenty of things in our world are illogical, and you’re not going to get much sympathy talking about how men get a rough deal
in society. Assume you’re paying.
Now, some women will resent the notion that they need to be paid for on the first date. So if she insists on splitting the bill or paying for some activity even after you’ve declined her offer once,then let her. It’s that simple.
Dumb First Date Move #2 – Take her somewhere super expensive
This is a more subtle flaw than expecting her to pay, but it can be just as devastating.A lot of women will be turned off by an overly-
expensive first date. They will be anxious that you will “expect something” at the end of the night for what you spent. Or they will wonder if you have so little going for you that you essentially have to
try to buy affection.Even if she’s not turned off, overspending can be
counter-productive. A friend of my ex-girlfriend was being pursued by a rich businessman from Hawaii. He flew her around, bought her jewelry,and spared no expense. I asked her how he was in bed. Her response: “Are you kidding? I’m not
going to sleep with him. if he’s spending this much to pursue me, I’m going to keep the chase going as
long as I can.”
Dumb First Date Move #3 –Overinvesting
The Dumb First Date Move #2 was overinvesting financially, and #3 is overinvesting in any other way When I was in college, long before Love Systems, I invited a woman to my place for dinner. I cooked a delicious meal from scratch and organized my apartment to be lit entirely by over 200 candles. It looked beautiful. It was romantic.
And it was a complete failure.
Overinvesting on the first date sends the same kind of signals as telling a woman you just met what an amazing person she is. It makes most women uncomfortable ,because she knows she hasn’t earned the value you are placing on her yet. So your affection isn’t about her – it’s desperation, or a mechanical desire to be with any
attractive woman you see. Neither point of view is attractive to most women.
Dumb First Date Move #4 - Grill her
Don’t bombard her with questions. So many men do this, and I’ve heard lots of women compare the
process to “interviewing for a job that I don’t even know if I want.” No one goes to job interviews for fun.But isn’t the point of a first date to get to know each other? Yes – but getting to know each other is as much about chemistry and emotional fit as it is about comparing facts about each other’s lives.Of course, you’ll want to ask some questions –and you should. But questions aren’t the only way
to get information. If you tell her something about yourself, she’ll probably reciprocate with the same information. Or use statements or even guesses. Instead of asking her what she studied in college, take a guess. Instead of asking her how she felt on her canoe trip, tell her it sounds very fun and peaceful. And so on.
in society. Assume you’re paying.
Now, some women will resent the notion that they need to be paid for on the first date. So if she insists on splitting the bill or paying for some activity even after you’ve declined her offer once,then let her. It’s that simple.
Dumb First Date Move #2 – Take her somewhere super expensive
This is a more subtle flaw than expecting her to pay, but it can be just as devastating.A lot of women will be turned off by an overly-
expensive first date. They will be anxious that you will “expect something” at the end of the night for what you spent. Or they will wonder if you have so little going for you that you essentially have to
try to buy affection.Even if she’s not turned off, overspending can be
counter-productive. A friend of my ex-girlfriend was being pursued by a rich businessman from Hawaii. He flew her around, bought her jewelry,and spared no expense. I asked her how he was in bed. Her response: “Are you kidding? I’m not
going to sleep with him. if he’s spending this much to pursue me, I’m going to keep the chase going as
long as I can.”
Dumb First Date Move #3 –Overinvesting
The Dumb First Date Move #2 was overinvesting financially, and #3 is overinvesting in any other way When I was in college, long before Love Systems, I invited a woman to my place for dinner. I cooked a delicious meal from scratch and organized my apartment to be lit entirely by over 200 candles. It looked beautiful. It was romantic.
And it was a complete failure.
Overinvesting on the first date sends the same kind of signals as telling a woman you just met what an amazing person she is. It makes most women uncomfortable ,because she knows she hasn’t earned the value you are placing on her yet. So your affection isn’t about her – it’s desperation, or a mechanical desire to be with any
attractive woman you see. Neither point of view is attractive to most women.
Dumb First Date Move #4 - Grill her
Don’t bombard her with questions. So many men do this, and I’ve heard lots of women compare the
process to “interviewing for a job that I don’t even know if I want.” No one goes to job interviews for fun.But isn’t the point of a first date to get to know each other? Yes – but getting to know each other is as much about chemistry and emotional fit as it is about comparing facts about each other’s lives.Of course, you’ll want to ask some questions –and you should. But questions aren’t the only way
to get information. If you tell her something about yourself, she’ll probably reciprocate with the same information. Or use statements or even guesses. Instead of asking her what she studied in college, take a guess. Instead of asking her how she felt on her canoe trip, tell her it sounds very fun and peaceful. And so on.
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